So far apart

We were so close yet so far apart,
Our only connection was with the heart,
He was in his world and I was in mine,
We were separated by a very thin line,
Completely opposite personalities we had,
He was carefree and joking, Me, I was sad.
I wanted so much to be a part of his life,
and maybe one day even become his wife,
But right now we were falling,
Farther apart, each could hear the calling,
of the others small, soft voice.
"We need to make a decision -
We have to make a choice!
Should we leave it alone and fall apart,
Or should we try to save it by following our hearts?"
Our decision was hard and it took time,
For he was in his world and I was in mine.

Shades of Gray

I want him to hold me in his arms,
and promise me he'll never do me harm.
But now it's too late he's gone forever.
He will be back for me the day after never.

Shades of gray surround me,
As far as my tearful eyes could see.
The tears fell hard as I tied the noose,
I checked it twice to make sure it wasn't loose.

He said he cared but then he left me,
WHY? When the pain he could see?
The day when my heart be broke,
I hung myself from a rope. 

Over and Over ...

Your soft warm lips pressed to mine,
A moment that saved me from crossing the line,
The line of life and death and Heaven and Hell,
You place me in a binding spell,
A wicked spell of pure love,
That almost kept me from Heaven above,
I replay that picture over in my mind,
Not a fault in that moment could I find,
Over and over ... and over again
That time meant nothing to him,
I felt dirty and full of sin,
Down my cheeks the acid tears fell,
As I crossed the line from Heaven to Hell,
Why did you leave?
When the pain you could see?
My pain did slowly subside,
As I lay down and finally died.

Forever

His dark shadow arms reached out
to touch her, to hold her,
but she was unaware of his cold, lonely presence.
She thought she was alone as she cried,
and took the blade across her small, white wrist,
along her old scars.

This time, no one could stop her.

He watched her silently, with curiosity and love.
He wished that he could make it easy and painless for her.
He promised her, before he left, that he would return.
But only when the time was right.
She trusted him, and knew he'd come back for her.
The three hardest and loneliest months of her life were over,
He'd finally returned.
He whispered, "I love you" but to her it was only the soft breeze.

The both watched intently
as the deep, red blood slowly traveled from her body,
turning the ground around her red.
She laid her head on his shoulder,
but felt only his cold hard headstone.

For the last time she closed her soft and tearful green eyes.

He stood there waiting and wanting. 
With his arms outstretched, he scooped her into them.
The two had love beyond that what their mortal souls could understand,
They took each others hands and with their love
walked away from pain, suffering and loneliness
to spend their eternity together.

The search

She searched from left to right,
panicking with every fleeting second that passed.
She knew she wouldn't recognize her when she found her,
but she had to look.

They denied her the right,
the right to be who she was,
and wanted to be.
They wanted someone else.
She couldn't please everyone, or anyone,
although she desperately tried.

She tried to be "normal",
(Whatever that may be)
plain and ordinary.
But the person she had inside crept out,
and slowly took over the "normal -
what everyone wants" her.

They hated,
with hatred stronger than steel,
the person who she had inside.

She tried to find someone they all would like,
and be happy with, to be.
She got confused and frustrated.
She wasn't quite sure what to be
and for whom.

Her search continued...

Her mind was packed full of people to be,
things to say and ways to act.
Everyone noticed a change in her,
to everyone it was for the worse.
They all wanted the "real her".
But not even she knew who that was.

They denied her the right,
the right to be the person she is deep down.
She cried night after night not knowing who she was,
or who to be and who to be that person for.
She wanted back her rights.
The right to be, feel, think and act like who she is
and not who they think they want her to be.

All alone she searches for who she is.
being herself is defying her parents,
and is out of the question.
But being who she isn't is too.
She cried because they wanted the real her,
but they couldn't accept who she believe that might be.

She realized once your rights are gone,
getting them back is an unimaginable battle
with pain that makes your heart throb with pain.

She watched the blood drip into the white marble sink,
hoping as she grew weak that this would make her the person
that everyone has been wanting and has been waiting for.

Too young

The metal on the bench had picked up a thin cast of ice,
and wood seeped in the cool moist air.
Together on the bench they froze the thin frail child to the bone.
Except for her absent presence in the park, it was empty.
She glanced around at the swings swaying in the cold winter air;
the slides glistening with ice.
Wishing to Heaven that she could be as a child again;
 innocence beyond what the world can comprehend.
Innocent and free from the evil and treacherous grasp of life.
As she stared into the frozen puddle on the pavement before her,
she could see her pale, colorless eyes,
the tears that flowed ceaselessly from them and the secrets behind them.
Thoughts ran wild in her mind,
"It's so cold, you'd never feel a thing,
it would be over quickly,
there would be no mess for mom to cleanup,
most of all, there would be no more you to cause problems."
The persuading voice tried to get her, tried to justify it.

A cold breeze seeped through the holes in the white knit sweater Daddy bought her.
She trembled uncontrollably, both from fear and the cold.

Her dreams: Meeting Mr. Right, being married, having the perfect family.
Her goals: Going to college, finishing high school, having a future.

All of these thoughts sweetly engulfed her mind.
The tears fell harder as the clean blade echoed as it hit the bottom of the cold empty can.

And the wintery park was completely empty.