Monday, November 18, 1991

Hungry Stars

I laughed with you last night,
I held your soft hand last night,
I hugged you and held you tight.
Now you're gone.
You're sweet, quiet laugh
has disappeared with the stars
that heard it, and took it
and cherished it.
Your hands are cold,
not warm and soft like they were.
The stars could feel them,
and they wanted them too.
Your body and soul together
were too much for the stars
to resist.
So they took you,
cherished you,
and loved you.
Did I forget to say I love you?
Did you know I did?
Do the stars know that I still do?

Thursday, May 30, 1991

Goodbye

I felt for a pulse, there wasn't one,
I felt for his soft breaths, there was none.
I knew he was gone, away from me now,
Why did this happen? Please tell me how.
I beat his chest in anger and fear,
His shirt was wrinkled and damp with my tears.
In one last plea to reverse this waste,
I pressed my lips to his, his dried tears I could taste.
Our future together has now gone away,
You took it with me when you died on this day.
Now I can say my love is so true,
and today, part of me died with you.
I remember how you were so carefree,
And just how much you meant to me.
I held your hand, it used to be so soft,
Now that softness has all been lost.
I saw that fatal cut, so red,
I wish I could know what was in your head.

Wednesday, May 15, 1991

Dingy Gray

Hidden under umbrellas of dingy gray,
not seeing their friends, just rushing away.
I left that city of gray behind
and let these colors engulf my mind.
The animals also let their fears go free.
and came into the rain to enjoy it with me.
All of the creatures were saddened by
the people rushing here and there.
Giving no thought to emotions
or feelings they could share.
All of the people with faces so straight,
rushing alone to their important dates.
All in the field prayed to Heaven above
for our Father to show this world how to love. 

Friday, April 5, 1991

Forsaken

I have mended my broken heart before,
but now it's shattered all over the floor,
I tried to regain all of my lost love,
and I knelt down to pray to Heaven above,
For help to find the pieces and to put them back,
and to try to fill in all of the hidden cracks.
But Heaven wouldn't answer, I was alone,
I guess my friends were right, I guess I was shown.
You aren't there for me,
Now the pain no one will see.
In the depths of a corner where I dwell,
I have forsaken Heaven and gone to hell.
I asked Satan to take the pain away,
he told me to watch you for just another day.
I watched you close although my heart it hurt,
when it was over, I got a razor and removed my shirt.
Down my arm I carved your name,
I was out to kill this time, not to maim.
All over my pretty pink floor I bled,
then I lay still and was finally dead.

Thursday, April 4, 1991

Left me alone

You did it again, you left me alone,
by myself to face the night on my own,
I told you I could not stay by myself
but you left me, and I went for the razor up on the shelf.
I didn't want to do it, but you promised me,
but I was alone, why couldn't you see?
I was shaking when across my wrist I cut,
in my ear echo's your words, "I do care, but..."
With a bloody towel I dried my tearful eyes,
and tried to forget all of your terrible lies,
From my eyes another tear fell,
as I closed them and opened them back to the depths of hell.
To this eternity I didn't want to be a part,
But you placed me here when you broke my heart,
You left me alone,
To face the night on my own.

Monday, April 1, 1991

I slipped away quietly

I slipped away quietly so no one could hear,
Deep in the darkness so no one saw the tears,
No one would notice my presence was gone,
No one would find me till way after dawn.
With shaky hands I carefully tied the noose,
I checked it once, then twice to make sure it wasn't loose,
I hung it from the ceiling and checked it once more,
Then I climbed down and crossed the room to lock the door.
I quickly slipped in my small, round head,
and hoped and prayed that I soon would be dead,
I kicked over the big wooden chair,
and in my face fell my soft blond hair,
I did it ever so quietly so no one could hear,
and down my cheek fell one last lonesome tear.

Saturday, March 30, 1991

So far apart

We were so close yet so far apart,
Our only connection was with the heart,
He was in his world and I was in mine,
We were separated by a very thin line,
Completely opposite personalities we had,
He was carefree and joking, Me, I was sad.
I wanted so much to be a part of his life,
and maybe one day even become his wife,
But right now we were falling,
Farther apart, each could hear the calling,
of the others small, soft voice.
"We need to make a decision -
We have to make a choice!
Should we leave it alone and fall apart,
Or should we try to save it by following our hearts?"
Our decision was hard and it took time,
For he was in his world and I was in mine.

Shades of Gray

I want him to hold me in his arms,
and promise me he'll never do me harm.
But now it's too late he's gone forever.
He will be back for me the day after never.

Shades of gray surround me,
As far as my tearful eyes could see.
The tears fell hard as I tied the noose,
I checked it twice to make sure it wasn't loose.

He said he cared but then he left me,
WHY? When the pain he could see?
The day when my heart be broke,
I hung myself from a rope. 

Friday, March 29, 1991

Over and Over ...

Your soft warm lips pressed to mine,
A moment that saved me from crossing the line,
The line of life and death and Heaven and Hell,
You place me in a binding spell,
A wicked spell of pure love,
That almost kept me from Heaven above,
I replay that picture over in my mind,
Not a fault in that moment could I find,
Over and over ... and over again
That time meant nothing to him,
I felt dirty and full of sin,
Down my cheeks the acid tears fell,
As I crossed the line from Heaven to Hell,
Why did you leave?
When the pain you could see?
My pain did slowly subside,
As I lay down and finally died.

Friday, March 22, 1991

Forever

His dark shadow arms reached out
to touch her, to hold her,
but she was unaware of his cold, lonely presence.
She thought she was alone as she cried,
and took the blade across her small, white wrist,
along her old scars.

This time, no one could stop her.

He watched her silently, with curiosity and love.
He wished that he could make it easy and painless for her.
He promised her, before he left, that he would return.
But only when the time was right.
She trusted him, and knew he'd come back for her.
The three hardest and loneliest months of her life were over,
He'd finally returned.
He whispered, "I love you" but to her it was only the soft breeze.

The both watched intently
as the deep, red blood slowly traveled from her body,
turning the ground around her red.
She laid her head on his shoulder,
but felt only his cold hard headstone.

For the last time she closed her soft and tearful green eyes.

He stood there waiting and wanting. 
With his arms outstretched, he scooped her into them.
The two had love beyond that what their mortal souls could understand,
They took each others hands and with their love
walked away from pain, suffering and loneliness
to spend their eternity together.

Thursday, March 21, 1991

The search

She searched from left to right,
panicking with every fleeting second that passed.
She knew she wouldn't recognize her when she found her,
but she had to look.

They denied her the right,
the right to be who she was,
and wanted to be.
They wanted someone else.
She couldn't please everyone, or anyone,
although she desperately tried.

She tried to be "normal",
(Whatever that may be)
plain and ordinary.
But the person she had inside crept out,
and slowly took over the "normal -
what everyone wants" her.

They hated,
with hatred stronger than steel,
the person who she had inside.

She tried to find someone they all would like,
and be happy with, to be.
She got confused and frustrated.
She wasn't quite sure what to be
and for whom.

Her search continued...

Her mind was packed full of people to be,
things to say and ways to act.
Everyone noticed a change in her,
to everyone it was for the worse.
They all wanted the "real her".
But not even she knew who that was.

They denied her the right,
the right to be the person she is deep down.
She cried night after night not knowing who she was,
or who to be and who to be that person for.
She wanted back her rights.
The right to be, feel, think and act like who she is
and not who they think they want her to be.

All alone she searches for who she is.
being herself is defying her parents,
and is out of the question.
But being who she isn't is too.
She cried because they wanted the real her,
but they couldn't accept who she believe that might be.

She realized once your rights are gone,
getting them back is an unimaginable battle
with pain that makes your heart throb with pain.

She watched the blood drip into the white marble sink,
hoping as she grew weak that this would make her the person
that everyone has been wanting and has been waiting for.

Saturday, March 16, 1991

Too young

The metal on the bench had picked up a thin cast of ice,
and wood seeped in the cool moist air.
Together on the bench they froze the thin frail child to the bone.
Except for her absent presence in the park, it was empty.
She glanced around at the swings swaying in the cold winter air;
the slides glistening with ice.
Wishing to Heaven that she could be as a child again;
 innocence beyond what the world can comprehend.
Innocent and free from the evil and treacherous grasp of life.
As she stared into the frozen puddle on the pavement before her,
she could see her pale, colorless eyes,
the tears that flowed ceaselessly from them and the secrets behind them.
Thoughts ran wild in her mind,
"It's so cold, you'd never feel a thing,
it would be over quickly,
there would be no mess for mom to cleanup,
most of all, there would be no more you to cause problems."
The persuading voice tried to get her, tried to justify it.

A cold breeze seeped through the holes in the white knit sweater Daddy bought her.
She trembled uncontrollably, both from fear and the cold.

Her dreams: Meeting Mr. Right, being married, having the perfect family.
Her goals: Going to college, finishing high school, having a future.

All of these thoughts sweetly engulfed her mind.
The tears fell harder as the clean blade echoed as it hit the bottom of the cold empty can.

And the wintery park was completely empty.

Wednesday, February 13, 1991

Black

Black is the color of midnight,
A moonless, starless night.
No lights in a powerless city.

Black is fear - the fear of light.
It is love - love lost to evil ones.

Black is my expression
The way I show I'm an individual
No shade of black is the same -
Completely different.

It's the smell of freshly laid tar.
It burns my nose and makes my eyes water,
and rests on my tongue.
Black is the simple darkness of my room.
Blinds shut, door shut, curtain drawn.
No light will enter, no darkness will escape.

*This was a homework assignment and I got an 'A'